Do we think we're normal?

Habits have a bit of a bad press. We all tend to concentrate on bad ones, usually when performed by someone else. They must have survival value in the world, be a useful set of behaviours to approach the many situations we have to cope with.

Sometimes we don't see that our habits have moved into another dimension, the dimension where they don't make much sense to other people. We cling to our habits, perhaps because we have so much of ourselves invested in them.

One of my customers was telling me about the communication difficulties he was having with his nearest and dearest. It's always difficult when you get one side of the story and I am very conscious of not giving advice about relationships. But exploring these things can be fascinating, and have impact on the therapy for the person.

On questioning (always a much more powerful technique than telling) he has specific and rather rigid habits. He likes all the dirty crockery and cutlery lined up and in particular containers. He does most of the duties about the house but complains his partner does not do enough.

How does his behaviour look to his partner? To me it looks a little obsessive and is probably irritating. However he has not asked her what she feels about the way he behaves. He laughed somewhat sheepishly when I pointed this out. He likes everything done a certain way and at a certain time (straight away - which tires him out) and very likely is unable to delegate and let someone get on with a job (or not).

Sometimes we are so much in the groove of our habits that we forget there is even the vague possibility of someone doing it differently. And that different way could be as or more valid than our own way.

Now all I need to find it someone to tell (or ask) me about my habits and perhaps I can change and be more effective too.